You know how people compile those lists of Things I Never Thought I'd Say once they have kids? Well I'm collecting a good share of my own from living with my crazy mom:
"Valentine's Day just means you can wear red with pink. It doesn't mean you can wear earrings on your shirt."
"Good job not doing the dishes! I know that was hard for you."
"Babies can't smell soft. That's not even possible."
"It'd be nice if you wouldn't nag as a greeting."
"Please don't buy any more turkeys."