Beauty is in the Eye of the Ombre Shadow... Apparently

The last time I really got into makeup was probably in high school. In my old age, I've gotten stuck in my primitive routine of no mascara, exactly two lipsticks I rotate (when I can be bothered to wear it at all), neutral eyeshadow applied with a Q-tip when the applicator that came with it fell apart, and the same drug store foundation I've been wearing since middle school, applied with my fingers. And in the rare times when I feel the itch for something new, I simply hit the Clinique counter at Macy's during the bonus giveaway, and get out of there.

The other day I went to a specialty cosmetic shop and WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THIS PLACE?! Did there always exist such an assortment of tools for eyebrows alone? I don't remember half of these beauty products. These "sculpting powders" are not ringing a bell either... shading and highlights on my face? Am I not 3D enough in the natural?? And apparently I'm supposed to be applying primer (yes, primer -- with a paintbrush, no less, but don't ask me which one of the thirty options -- or maybe that odd-shaped sponge?) to my face before the over-makeup. It's like extreme makeover but I can't tell if it's home edition or not! Are we remodeling the house or getting ready to go out for a few hours?? I mean, I'll use a base and top coat on my nails (and I have no idea about this gel and shellac business) because I expect it to last a week. When my face makeup starts lasting a week, then I'll consider primer. (And hygiene, maybe.)

If I used all these products, it would take hours to put my makeup on! If it takes more time to apply and remove my makeup than the time I'm going to be wearing it, I'm out. Plus, the last time I was into makeup the sales associate wasn't a boy in bright pink lipstick explaining how mattes require a lot of prep. I know we're supposed to be politically correct these days, but I kind of feel like I got schooled. But now I'm really curious just how much more 3D I can get...