I decided not to date until I get my act together, because 28-year-old career temps who live with their mom and still use a flip phone (prepaid!) only attract men with one or more of the following qualities:
1. felon
2. work one day a week
3. don't have a car
a. because they never learned to drive
i. not convinced he knows how to ride a bike either
4. don't speak English
5. live in a quad
a. but it's a step up from a quad because we each have our own ba--
i. it's still a quad
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