Top Six Baby Names (That Should Be Trending) for 2021

For those expecting in 2021, let's have your kid's lifelong existence reminisce on the great year that was 2020 with these perfect names (and if you don't like these, you can always revisit last year's)...

6. The days of naming your kid cute or inspiring names like Celena or Hillary are over. These days, we need Celery. It's important to be self-sufficient and learn to grow your own food.

5. Close quarters lead us all to quarrel quite a bit, so stop arguing with your live-in Tinder date that knocked you up about how dumb the name Tina is. Just settle on naming your baby Quarantina to remember the bad old days.

4. Some people want you to name your kid Ryan or Eliot, but you gotta take a stand and name your kid Riot. It means "mostly peaceful protest."

3. I don't care if it's short for Too Pouty or what -- call your kid T. P. and even though he's kind of shitty, you can never get enough of him.

2. You might have heard somewhere on the internet that Valerie or Maxine is a good healthy name for your kid, but let's be reasonable and relent to at least one Vaxine in the household instead.

1. Cole and David are classic names, but get with the times and name your son Covid -- he's sure to be famous.

I could only come up with six this time; it's been a rough year. Probably you shouldn't be having kids at all.