Have a Great Day

Do you want to have a great day? Eat a bite of pomegranate seeds. Just pomegranate seeds. Don't put them on a salad. Don't eat them one by one when they drop on the floor because five second rule. You need a whole, luxurious mouthful. I know it seems extravagant because that pomegranate cost you $2.50, but do you want to have a great day or not? I discovered this on accident and it is totally worth the two dollars and fifty cents and twenty minutes you spend getting the seeds out in the first place.

Eat them in a bowl with a spoon, like diamonds. I mean cereal. No, don't put milk on them! I mean like pomegranate seeds. Eat them like pomegranate seeds, because this is your new thing now. You can thank me later.

Remember Gushers fruit snacks? This is the adult version of that. Get ready to experience a glorious chorus of bells ringing hallelujah in your mouth. Prepare yourself for Pop-Its exploding all through you, with pure joy instead of silver fulminate. Also we're eight months into this pandemic, so it's possible I just forgot what fun is.

My weekend going like

Every once in awhile I play with the idea of trying online dating, but a brief browse through guys in my area squashes that idea every time. Match is offering me Luke, who introduces himself by assuring me, "I have a full-time job, car and my own place." Like he knows his competition and exactly how little it takes to beat them.

Practically every other guy they show me has the same first name as my ex, to the point that I start to wonder if I accidentally specified that I'm looking for men between 32-42 named Eric.

Alec couldn't be bothered to open his eyes for his profile pic.

Emanuel's profile consisted entirely of the lyrics to The Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song.

Now I'm thinking of joining just for the entertainment value.

Update: Apparently Match is a ghost town and the other apps are not that bad. I joined another one and am relieved to report a reasonable selection of men. Some out of my league, even. I receive a message from spirited Kamesh asking me how my weekend is going. "I just built a pillow fort with my roommates, so life is pretty great!" he tells me. I reply that I just spent fifteen minutes removing the label adhesive from a jar in order to reuse the jar. No response.

Run of the Mill

I asked my friend in North Dakota if anything interesting was on the ballot in her state, and she said no, it was a "run-of-the-mill" election. Then I found out that ND elected a deceased man to the House and I can't believe that's normal for them.

Amid all these claims of voter fraud and dead people voting in the 2020 presidential election, the northernmost Dakota has been straight up electing the dead for years and no one even cares. Bold. I'm assuming most of the late Representative's votes were from dead voters, too, because you know how prejudiced the living are. But sure, keep fussing over Pennsylvania or whatever.

Uber Dumb

I wish I could be one of those lovely people who just adores everyone, but then there is my Uber driver. This person will not stop word-saying and they shouldn't be allowed.

"Driving for Uber is such a bad deal now, I have to pay so much for gas and maintenance. If people didn't tip, I wouldn't even make any money!"

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"My birthday was the first day of the wildfire smoke, so I didn't get my free Dutch Bros because they were closed! And they wouldn't give me a free one later to make up for it!"

"Well they didn't make any money all week, so I guess that's fair."

"Well it's not fair to everyone who didn't get their free drinks!!"

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"Wow, 200 new cases a day?! That's SO MANY!"

"...Actually, Oregon has fewer new cases per capita than--"

"WOW I can't believe that, that's so many!"

"We're actually doing quite well considering the populatio--"

"THAT'S SO MANY!!!!!"

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"Are you getting the unemployment??"

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"Oh you don't have to tip me! Nobody even tips on Uber, it's like weird."

My Uber driver for the return trip didn't speak to me at all except to call me "Miss," help with my bags, and offer to adjust the temperature to my liking. 

NC: 1

OR: 0