Intercultural Communication class did not prepare me for this

Laney: We have a triple crown winner! Woohoo! Go American pharroh! I can die happy now! ! !

Me: Huh?? Was this message for someone else?

Laney: Yep you! Yeehaw! Thought u should know. Ive been waiting my whole life for this day!

Me: No idea what you're talking about...

Laney: Horse racing! Lol. Sorry! :-) triple crown are 3 races...big time! Hasn't been a winner in 37 yrs til today!

Me: Oh!! my gosh. I thought you were having psychosis again. Hooray I'm super happy for you!!!

Laney: Lol! Love you! Bahaha! U never know!

Me: First I thought you were watching American Idol and then I thought we had a new President but it seemed like the wrong year for that. Apparently I'M the one with psychosis!

I also wanted to do face-painting at inventory, so there's a possibility it's just me



Distorted mirrors. Pretend lights. How does this not scream carnival?!?

Boss: Here, make a display with these dressers.

Me: Just use the dressers? Everything else is up to me?

Boss: Yep.

My brain: What? The store is my playground? Just go wild?

10 minutes later...

Boss: Um...

Me: Too crazy? I was trying to evoke carnival.

Boss: ...It's a little too eclectic. It needs some kind of theme.

Me: The theme is carnival. Was that not clear? There's even a monkey.

Monkey: I don't think she shares your vision.

Me: Which part would you change?

Boss: It's just so random!

Me: Good thing you got here when you did. I hadn't even added the silver antlers yet.

Boss: Oh my... What about using some of these pretty white things?

10 minutes later...

The obviously carnival-themed dressers are now mismatched with gaudy, pearly white, reluctant vases. And silver antlers.

On the other hand, I didn't get fired from making displays, I just got demoted to this tiny square platform to contain a portion of my madness.

The accommodations are much more modest, but the monkey says he is happy here.

Silly rooster, don't you know you're lactose intolerant?

Tea parties too elegant? Here, have a rooster vomit into your tea, and the tea of your guests.

Pinkies up!

Dog. It's What's For Dinner

Bon appétit!

Peace Be with You

"Gabriel, we were sent here to give a message to Buddha, not to become Buddha."

"Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace: Om..."

"Ugh, this is SO. Boring. Can we please go back to paradise now?"

"Peace comes from within, Raphael. Om..."

Bling Bling

Rudolph: Dude I think Im gonna get my nose pierced
Dasher: Cuz yr nose doesnt get enough attention? Lol
Rudolph: Well maybe get my antlers painted or something
Dasher: No way brah remember what happened to Blitzen?!?



The Exact Same Thing

Problem: You're dying for these gorgeous Italian leather sandals, but you don't have 300 euros to spare.

Solution: Splurge on these paper clips imported from Italy instead. It's almost the exact same thing.

No one at the office will be unimpressed by you now. Imagine handing that report in to your boss...

Boss: Say, are these... fancy Italian paper clips?

You: They sure are. I'm a bit of a paper accessories snob, if you really want to know.

Boss: Why, they must be individually hand-painted!

You: ...That's plastic coating... but yeah basically.

Boss: Well, these are clearly superior to ordinary domestic paper clips! I'll have these ordered for the whole office from now on. And you're getting a raise!

Paper clips: And now you can afford those sandals too. Non c’è di che.