How the Job Search Is Going

My job search so far:

• One recruiter sent a message to all applicants, exposing our competition's identities and contact information to each other.
• A temp agency that used to call me with jobs called me with candidates instead. I feel like I'm moving up in the world. Also, if I need to fall back on them for work, I already know who my competition is.
• 90% of recruiters ghosted me, one after four interviews, including a case study that I spent hours preparing for.
• "When you start you'll just be putting out fires." Points for honesty?
• One interviewer told me I would actually be logging in to Salesforce and sharing my screen and that the interview would be recorded. The amount of notice I had about these details: None.
• One interviewer did not say words. I wasn't sure if he wanted me to conduct the interview or what. I inexplicably tortured myself with a second interview with him, during which he was again mysteriously mute unless he was giving a one-word answer to the questions I felt compelled to fill the silence with.

To be fair:

• I told one interviewer I don't like their products.
• I may have been kinda high during a morning interview.
• I joined a Zoom interview with a giant pair of underwear as my background.

Working at Sea

I got tired of interviewing for good jobs so I started looking at crap jobs instead. I clicked on an ad for being a seafood processor at sea and OH MY GOD did I go down a rabbit trail. Sixteen hour days, seven days a week. So you get eight hours to sleep which is probably fine since you probably just fall asleep immediately. 

I wasn't done yet -- I checked out the other jobs on the ships and thought Housekeeper, that's got to be easier. But it turns out they work sixteen-hour shifts too. How about Data Manager, surely that's gotta be -- nope, they work sixteen hours too! How much Data is there to Manage?! And not only that, they are also responsible for providing medical assistance to injured and ill crew members! I think they are going to be bad at one of those tasks and I hope it's not the medical assistance!

The contracts are all 65 days, I assume because that's as long as human beings can stand to live in a constant fish-scented manual labor trapped-at-sea environment with no weekends or free time whatsoever. Instead of clicking away at that point, I was doing the math and trying to figure out the pay, which varies a lot based on whether you're at the low or high end of the range. Either way: Not. Worth. It. They have a statement about equal opportunity for women and it also says you're living in close quarters and sharing bathrooms and stuff and, I don't know, I just don't think they're set up for women.

I suddenly feel a lot better about being merely unemployed.

Hairy Sexy Winter Sunday

I decided not to shave my legs for the entirety of covid winter, and I was looking forward to a break from the burden of shaving, but, surprisingly, I miss it. Unfortunately, now it's, uh... past the point of no return. A full wax in spring is going to be my only path back from werewolfery.

Previously, my no-shave record was about three weeks, but I have entered a new world altogether. It now hurts to wear leggings just like it hurts to wear a ponytail all day. Also, when I walk through my house with no pants, I can feel the whoosh of air blowing through my leg hairs, in a way that would feel glamorous if they weren't my leg hairs. It's disturbing. No one tells you these things.

I fully intended to keep this experiment contained to the leg area, but then I missed a couple days of armpits and, well, at that point I figured I may as well go all in. This is even worse than the legs, somehow. Putting on deodorant is a nightmare and it's not even grown all the way out yet.

Unrelatedly, I recently declared a weekly Sexy Sunday, on which I must wear a matching bra and panty, just to make sure covid winter doesn't render me a complete slob. (I may have worn crotchless panties to the grocery store.) The only problem with Sexy Sunday is how perfectly it overlaps with Hairy Covid Winter. Sorry for that visual.

This is really doing a lot for my suicidal ideation, though, since I definitely don't want to die right now and have my body be found like this.

Have a Great Day

Do you want to have a great day? Eat a bite of pomegranate seeds. Just pomegranate seeds. Don't put them on a salad. Don't eat them one by one when they drop on the floor because five second rule. You need a whole, luxurious mouthful. I know it seems extravagant because that pomegranate cost you $2.50, but do you want to have a great day or not? I discovered this on accident and it is totally worth the two dollars and fifty cents and twenty minutes you spend getting the seeds out in the first place.

Eat them in a bowl with a spoon, like diamonds. I mean cereal. No, don't put milk on them! I mean like pomegranate seeds. Eat them like pomegranate seeds, because this is your new thing now. You can thank me later.

Remember Gushers fruit snacks? This is the adult version of that. Get ready to experience a glorious chorus of bells ringing hallelujah in your mouth. Prepare yourself for Pop-Its exploding all through you, with pure joy instead of silver fulminate. Also we're eight months into this pandemic, so it's possible I just forgot what fun is.

My weekend going like

Every once in awhile I play with the idea of trying online dating, but a brief browse through guys in my area squashes that idea every time. Match is offering me Luke, who introduces himself by assuring me, "I have a full-time job, car and my own place." Like he knows his competition and exactly how little it takes to beat them.

Practically every other guy they show me has the same first name as my ex, to the point that I start to wonder if I accidentally specified that I'm looking for men between 32-42 named Eric.

Alec couldn't be bothered to open his eyes for his profile pic.

Emanuel's profile consisted entirely of the lyrics to The Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song.

Now I'm thinking of joining just for the entertainment value.

Update: Apparently Match is a ghost town and the other apps are not that bad. I joined another one and am relieved to report a reasonable selection of men. Some out of my league, even. I receive a message from spirited Kamesh asking me how my weekend is going. "I just built a pillow fort with my roommates, so life is pretty great!" he tells me. I reply that I just spent fifteen minutes removing the label adhesive from a jar in order to reuse the jar. No response.

Run of the Mill

I asked my friend in North Dakota if anything interesting was on the ballot in her state, and she said no, it was a "run-of-the-mill" election. Then I found out that ND elected a deceased man to the House and I can't believe that's normal for them.

Amid all these claims of voter fraud and dead people voting in the 2020 presidential election, the northernmost Dakota has been straight up electing the dead for years and no one even cares. Bold. I'm assuming most of the late Representative's votes were from dead voters, too, because you know how prejudiced the living are. But sure, keep fussing over Pennsylvania or whatever.

Uber Dumb

I wish I could be one of those lovely people who just adores everyone, but then there is my Uber driver. This person will not stop word-saying and they shouldn't be allowed.

"Driving for Uber is such a bad deal now, I have to pay so much for gas and maintenance. If people didn't tip, I wouldn't even make any money!"

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"My birthday was the first day of the wildfire smoke, so I didn't get my free Dutch Bros because they were closed! And they wouldn't give me a free one later to make up for it!"

"Well they didn't make any money all week, so I guess that's fair."

"Well it's not fair to everyone who didn't get their free drinks!!"

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"Wow, 200 new cases a day?! That's SO MANY!"

"...Actually, Oregon has fewer new cases per capita than--"

"WOW I can't believe that, that's so many!"

"We're actually doing quite well considering the populatio--"

"THAT'S SO MANY!!!!!"

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"Are you getting the unemployment??"

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"Oh you don't have to tip me! Nobody even tips on Uber, it's like weird."

My Uber driver for the return trip didn't speak to me at all except to call me "Miss," help with my bags, and offer to adjust the temperature to my liking. 

NC: 1

OR: 0