Of all that I lack, a sense of direction is perhaps the most sorely missed. Mine is so bad, I've gotten disoriented in my own two-bedroom apartment. I've even lost my car.
Visiting a synagogue one day, I left the service to use the restroom, which was like the prize at the end of a maze. The most amaze-ing part was that I didn't get lost in the basement somewhere. But when I reentered the sanctuary, everyone was facing me! I froze. How did I end up at the front? I backed through the door, bewildered. I sat down on some steps to take some deep breaths and find some logic in this madness, and I came up with three possibilities:
1. I went the wrong way.
2. The entire congregation turned around.
3. I just opened the door to a parallel universe.
I'm used to getting lost, so I deduced that the most likely explanation was that I went the wrong way and came through a different door somehow. But carefully retracing my steps brought me to the same door. I couldn't think of a single reason the entire congregation would turn around and face the back, so obviously I had entered into a magical land where everything is backwards. I opened the door to see what adventures awaited me in this other dimension, but this time everything was normal again! New probability:
4. My exorbitant nutmeg consumption has finally caused me to hallucinate. I knew this day would come.
When the service ended, my friend Mandy teased, "I saw you look confused when everyone turned around." Apparently it is a regular part of the service to face the various banners on the walls while reciting creeds or something like that. I think I'll lay off the nutmeg for awhile, anyway.