The New Gerbil: An Academic Paper, Obviously

I decided to write an abstract for my blog, since it's never been properly introduced. Remember, an abstract is like a little story...

Once upon a time, college degrees were useful all by themselves. That time passed, but the memo was not. This causes our heroine, Abra Hagans*, to be upset and start a blog with a readership of 2. This blog begins with a review of unfavorable life circumstances directly or indirectly caused by the uselessness of a college degree. Suddenly, without warning, the blog disappears for years!! Later, back-dated entries mysteriously compensate for years of missing data. Then, unfathomably, the blog disappears for a second time while rumors circulate about Abra's enrollment in graduate school!! In an unexpected turn of events, the second section of the blog exposes not the seedy underbelly of an actual career, but questionable merchandise sold by a chain retailer. Further research is needed in the areas of homelessness, C-PTSD, and miracles. Sallie Mae is living happily ever after.

*Names have been changed to protect the author's paranoia

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